No pay for Horsepower

I had to share this with you, because this is what I (and I am sure many other actors) deal with on a daily basis. I have removed the names and details of the project to protect those individuals involved. Please, where do I sign?

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**Insert name of Theatre here** are casting Macbeth. **Founder's name**, founder. Project will be rehearsed/workshopped June-July (three to five rehearsals per week); work-in-progress will be shown mid-to-late July at a storefront space at **location**. in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

Seeking—Actress: 18-49, any ethnicity. Producer's statement: "Seeking a beautiful actress who doesn't give a f*** about 'acting,' who thinks that the whole idea is outdated and demeaning, who seeks new horizons ripped from the bowels of the future and wants to be in a really bad ass theater piece that will deliver mind-blowing numbness defying poetic love. Sort of like Easy Rider circa 2011 and no drugs. I'll bring the writing, you bring the horsepower. Experienced, trained, mature and wants to tour the world."

Email pix & résumés ASAP to **email**. For more information, visit **website** No pay, but meals provided.

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My response... umm.... what?

Inspiration are you here?

So I am having a hard time being inspired lately. It could be that NYC has made me jaded and I hate everyone and everything sometimes. But anyway...

I keep reading and writing and I even went to draw a nude model last week to see if sketching would bring some creative juices back to my drying brain. It worked for about a day.

I'm not sure what is wrong, but I feel like nothing is speaking to me. I read books and I think, "that's nice, good for him/her." I read plays and think "wow, good writing..." end. Nothing speaks directly to me and makes me want to DO anything with it. I don't feel moved to write a play or memorize a particular monologue or look into a theatre company. I just feel... bored. And a bit numb.

In other news, I am finding it very difficult to sit down and actually work on the things that I have been cast in. Memorization has always been something I struggle with, which is probably why I have been so attracted to films and TV lately. But really, other than the 2 hours I spend it rehearsal, I tell myself to look at a play I am in and then I never do...could be the lack of inspirations.

Sorry for the depressing blog. I guess they have to happen every now and again.

So any advice? What inspires you??

How Old is too Old?

I am not old. I know this. But I recently had a milestone birthday which has been making me think about these kinds of things...

I am constantly seeing movie stars who are winning awards and on TV shows in their early 20's. Look at every actor on ABC Family. No, it might not be Oscar-winning drama, but shows like "Pretty Little Liars," "Vampire Diaries" and "The Secret Life" have a HUGE fan base and are really jump starting some actors' careers.

So is it good enough that I LOOK like I'm 24? Or am I too late for this kind of casting pool?

I have a friend who I did a show with and who I follow on Twitter who is younger than me and is constantly auditioning and in a show. He is a Rockstar. And I am always thinking - "how do you have so much time/energy?"

See, when I moved to NYC I was immediately cast in an off-off-Broadway show called "The Best Party Ever." It was a great experience and it really spring-boarded my ego and reassured me that NYC is where I should be. But then I ran out of money. Afternoon rehearsals 4 times a week did not allow me to work at my job at the time (Starbucks ugh), and evening performances didn't let me get a restaurant job. I quickly ran out of money and began to panic.

So then I didn't do another show for a year and a half. I got a great job at a restaurant and let it take up all of my time. I focused on doing the "New York Thing:" which was drinking, dating, working and being happy that for once in my life I was financially comfortable. Sure I still read Backstage every week and wrote down auditions in my planner. But I never went to them.

Fast forward to now. I am auditioning and in rehearsals and have the time and some of the energy to do these things I should have been doing when I was 21 but couldn't do. But my question is, am I too late? And what if I want a life and a career too (that is probably another Blog.) These kids have 4 years on me, and where I might look the same age as them, I'm more jaded, have a little less energy and feel so much older than them.

Another example is this: I have worked on "the Big C" in Connecticut as part of their core high school group. HIGH SCHOOL. I was turning 27 and I was working and hanging out with a girl who was 10 years younger than me. She was talking about her finals and which colleges she would be applying to. And it just makes me think, "damn...I could have been doing this years ago and now I would have a one-up on all these other people in this city who want to do the same thing I want to do." In a business so vicious and cutthroat, where the slightest difference in a resume or personality or knowledge or whatever could get you the part over someone else, I WISH I had started earlier.